


sending all my love to you

by SbiderSlut (BlackCoffeeCat)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers 4 Trailer, Avengers: Endgame, Dialogue-Only, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Relationships That Never Were, Spoilers, Unfulfilled Love, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16901373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackCoffeeCat/pseuds/SbiderSlut
Summary: **A4 TRAILER SPOILERS BELOW**Trapped in space with only melancholic thoughts and irredeemable regrets to keep himself company, Tony addresses a series of audio recordings to the late Peter Parker.





	1. Recording A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so you know how Tony was recording that sad message for Pepper in the beginning of the trailer? This is literally just the version where Tony continually records letters to Peter. And then confesses his love and regrets, because he really should have banged Peter when he still had the chance. 
> 
> Man, I got slammed HARD with that trailer and this is writing itself so hard.
> 
> This will be short. This will be fast. I'm literally just revising my trash and uploading them as I revise, and I'm almost positive it will be finished within the next 48-72 hours XD
> 
> The title is based off "Last Night on Earth" by Green Day, and that's literally one of the songs which is stuck in my head as I'm pounding this out.
> 
> Since this is going fast and will have many chapters/recordings, there won't be author's notes for every chapter!

So, Mr. Parker. As I'm recording this, you’ve ... gone off and died and left this old man alone. The balls on you, kid. 

The  _audacity._  

I always knew you were a bit of a rebel. 

I don't get to talk because I'm floating in space and I may or may not die from some combination of dehydration, hunger, and oxygen deprivation sometime in the near future. 

I guess we're both rebels, kid.

But  _anyways_. I'm in space, now, and I have message recording capabilities because  _go me_ , right? I can think of suit technology all the live-long-day, but not a single way to fix this damn spaceship. It's beginning to look like a real problem.

Now that I think about it, I -- for all my technological genius -- was also helpless to stop Thanos. 

Helpless to ...  _well_.

You know.

Or you don’t, because you’re  _dead_.

... _fuck._

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Saying that and realizing that is not fun, kid, I can assure you. Don't try this at ...  _home._

Fuck.  _Again_. 

Apparently, everything is going to hurt from this point onwards. It's like a minefield of -- what do you youngins call it nowadays? -- _triggers_? 

Yeah, that. Everything is a little trigger-y right now. Because of  _reasons_.

Pretty self-explanatory, if you ask me. 

So.

I know you’re dead, but I’m going to record this for you anyways. For posterity’s sake, or maybe just for myself.

Besides, there's some dirty laundry I've got to air out.

I don’t know, I’m selfish. We all know this. I just feel like talking at you, even if you, realistically speaking, can't hear me. 

You know what else? Maybe, after I die in here, some Klingons will find this and have a good laugh at my words.

Maybe, right? 

I'm slowly losing it, as you can probably tell. I've been losing it for a while, now. 

A long while.

This thing I'm doing, though? This is for you, kiddo. And for me.

A goodbye, of sorts.

I hope you’re at peace wherever you are, kid. And stay tuned for more of the Tony Stark Show.

Sleep tight, and don’t let any more bugs bite.

Tony out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and any comments are appreciated! I will see you soon, muahahahaha. There's more to come, very soon :')
> 
> Also. I'm crying like a baby. That noise you hear and you're not quite sure whats making such an ugly sound? That's me.


	2. Recording B

I’m trying this thing called _remembering nicer shit._

Maybe you've heard of it before.

It’s not going to work, but it’s still something to do, right? While I'm stuck out here?

So, let me set the scene, then. 

I’m thinking about you on Titan.

Great job with the _Footloose_ thing, kiddo. You just about demolished Quill, there. In, like, three fucking words, you made the man question everything he knew about humanity. That was some grade-A level of savagery, there, and it’s even funnier because you’re a such a _nice kid._ You weren’t even _trying_ to shit on the guy's taste in movies. 

And also, it _is_ a shitty movie. I agree.

 _You_ have good taste in movies.

Did I ever tell you that?

I harp on you for your movie references, I know.

Wanna know why, though?

Secretly, it drives me nuts that you call them ‘really old movies’ because if _Aliens_ is old to you, then what am I?

Obviously, I'm too old and battered for a high schooler who thinks  _Empire Strikes Back_ is vintage.

But that’s not an issue anymore, is it?

Back to my point -- I’m actually impressed that you know so many of these classics _and_ can use them to create battle plans that actually work. That's some great creativity right there.

I wanted to give credit where it was due. You have good taste. You have good instincts. I just wanted to throw that out there into the universe.

The  _Aliens_ suggestion? 

That was _good_.

 _You_ were good.

…

There were mistakes made on Titan, kid.

 _None_ of them were yours, alright?

You were brilliant. Better than all of us, combined. I couldn’t have been more proud.

When shit went down, you protected our team -- don’t think I didn’t see you swinging around and webbing everyone up, even as the fucking moon was falling on us.

You’re the best out of all of us, kid. And out of all of us, _you_ deserved to survive.

You shouldn’t have died.

It's just ... it's not fair. 

I -- uh, I should probably cut out for a little bit. Tinker with the failing spaceship a bit. Try to ignore the hunger pangs. You know, anything to distract me for a while, because this line of thought is making me angry again.

Not fun. 

Soooo ... I'll be back. 

Take care.


	3. Recording C

You know what  _really_  smarts about all this?

Oh, where are my manners? I'm sorry.

Hi, Peter, great to talk to you again. It's me, Tony. How are you doing?

Yeah, no, we're not doing that. Fuck. That's ridiculous, and it feels shitty.

I took a breather earlier, right? But it didn't help. I'm still pissed. 

So what smarts, you might ask? 

Oh, I'll tell you what smarts.

What smarts is that we were  _so fucking close_. I saw you -- Thanos had literally hooked that gauntlet back by a  _finger_.

One. Fucking. Finger.

One finger was the difference between you being here and you...  _not_.

And Strange with his  _bullshit_ , too. What the fuck was up with that, anyways? What fucking endgame? All I know right now is that pretty much everyone vanished.

... _you_ vanished.

I just.

I.

_Jesus Christ._

You wanna know something interesting? If you reach a high enough level of soul-crushing, you can apparently skip straight past the anxiety and panic attacks. The shit that happened just completely obliterated my capacity for panic attacks because I haven't had a single one.

Nada.

Zip. 

Interesting, right?

...Right.

When Steve said that we'd lose together, I never thought I'd see everyone lose -- and then fucking keep on living. 

That's just cruel. 

Somehow, it's always me who gets to keep swimming on.

Lucky me.

Another interesting thing I learned? There’s literally  _no_  psychological explanation for this grief, kid.

Five stages, my ass.

Kubler Ross and Kessler? Hi, my name is Tony Stark, and you assholes can take all your psychological research and go  _fuck yourselves._

Because I'll tell you now -- your fives stages are all one giant fucking stage because I could strangle someone right now, and I could also…

And  _now_ , we’re back to the fact that you’re dead, kid. And there’s no point in putting on a face for you because you’re dead. I just -- I'm  _done. Finished._ I have nobody left to wear a front for -- you were my purpose and now you’re gone and I’m just going to say it, then. 

Here goes nothing.

I could cry  _forever_.

I, Tony Stark, have been emotionally defeated.

I could kill someone, and I could sob like a fucking baby, and I could just about die right now.

All of it.

I don’t even know what all the possible stages of grief are because there's all these new psychological studies and findings, but I’m feeling every single one of them right now.

... _Actually_ , scratch that.

You know which stage of grief I don’t feel, and will never feel?

 _Acceptance_.

_Because fuck that._

You died in my arms, and I could be ninety years old and it could be decades later, and I still won’t accept it. I will mourn you forever because that’s how much I --

…

Look at me, kid. This is what we’ve become. And this is who I’ve become.

I couldn’t save you, but I will carry this for as long as I live, I promise you.

Even if you wouldn’t want that, I will.

_Watch me._

People always tell me I can’t do something, and then I do it anyways.

So, I’ll do this one, too, because I sure as hell am not letting you go.

And I hope you wouldn’t resent me or judge me too much from wherever you are, kid. 

I've always secretly liked how you looked up to me. Truth is, though, there's not much to look up to. 

Maybe you realize that, now. Do you?

You'd be right to.

That's enough for this old man, though.

Until next time.


	4. Recording D

I always think about that time on Staten Island Ferry.

 _Gosh_ , how long ago was that? It feels like lifetimes ago. 

I barely knew you, then.

I liked you, sure, but I barely knew you.

I didn’t know the weird way you liked your grilled cheese, or how you'd talk anyone’s ear off with random tidbits.

I listened more than you would think.

Did you know that?

I know you expect people to stop listening after a certain point, but I listened.

A _lot_.

I know the Liz debacle better than a grandma would know the plot of _Days of Our Lives_. I know that you love strawberries, but hate when the seeds get stuck in the crevices of your teeth.

I know that you liked peppermint before the spider bite, but that it got gross after. I know you were genuinely upset about that, even if you pretended otherwise.

I was so close to a breakthrough in that, actually. After you mentioned the peppermint thing, I Willy Wonka-ed it up and developed several variations of peppermint flavoring which mimicked the chill and flavor without actually _being_ peppermint.

I was waiting for some downtime to test it out with you, see if any of them worked.

But we won't get a chance now, will we?

What else do I know? Let's see…

I know that your sexual awakening -- you definitely didn’t phrase it that way, but let’s face it, it was _totally_ a sexual awakening -- was caused by Han Solo and not Leia. 

I know that feeling warm spots on your bed drives you bonkers and that you lie on either edge of your bed so that you can roll over to the other edge when it gets too hot -- and then back again, later on.

That’s a decent method, by the way.

That’s also why I got you such a big bed in your room at the compound. More cool spots for you to lay on.

I know that you like to sort your colored candies and eat them so that you'll always have the same amount of each color.

All that, and so much more.

So when I yelled at you on Staten Island? I didn’t know you. But I liked you.

I was also _scared_ on Staten Island. Yep, scared. As you get older, you'll realize that there's a lot of shit to be scared of in the big bad world. 

I was scared of two specific things, mostly: you _dying_ \-- unacceptable, by the way -- or you being corrupted. And I don't mean corrupted as in becoming a supervillain -- you would never be a supervillain -- but in such a way that you would fuck up some responsibility down the line and it would hurt you irreparably.

Like me, you know? I carry the weight of too many mistakes. I've nearly died many times. 

I wanted neither of those for you.

So if I think about it, I would do the same thing again.

I was harsh, but I needed you to understand the responsibility. I needed you to be careful. I needed you to be good -- a good person, not just a superhero. 

I needed you _alive_.

And to your credit, you were _so good_. You went beyond my expectations.

And you were alive, at my side, all the way up until Thanos swooped in with that gauntlet of death.

And -- There’s a lot of _and’_ s aren’t there?

Seems like there's always  _and'_ s when it comes to you.

 _And_ \-- last one for now, I promise -- I wouldn’t have learned all these weird little things about you if you hadn't been alive to blab them to me.

So, no, I _don't_ regret Staten Island Ferry. Never have, never will.

I hope you don’t, either.


	5. Recording E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains a thinly veiled reference to a notorious quote from the DC universe. Hence, Tony jokes that despite tons of research in academia, nobody in the MCU knows where that quote comes from. It just is. 
> 
> See, not ALL of my garbage is angst. There's like... a half-ounce of crack in here XD

There’s that one saying that’s a _total_ cliche: 'You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.'

It's funny how one of the most notorious quotes of our culture came out of nowhere. It’s like...it just simply exists.

Who or what coined it? The linguists don't know. Nobody knows.

We'll probably never know.

Regardless of its murky origins, I’ve been thinking about that quote a lot as of late.

You’re a hero. You died a hero.

What does that make me?

Am I a villain yet?

Because I could be.

Everything that’s happened -- everything I’ve lost? It’s tempting to just lose it. Do the bad thing.

Sometimes, I think your death could push me over the edge.

I’ve spent a long time trying to be good, but everything seems meaningless if you’re not here.

After all, if this piece-of-shit universe couldn’t be bothered to save _you_ \-- sweet Peter Parker who may as well be its _purest goddamn export_ \-- why would I want to defend it in the first place? Is it even worth defending if it lets you, of _all_ people, slip through the cracks? Over and _over_?

I certainly don't think so.

Fuck it all, right?

…

But _you_ would have defended the universe no matter how much it's fucked you over.

That's just who you are.

 _Infuriating_ , sometimes.

You've always fought for the little guy. You’ve always thought of others. Sinners or saints, it didn't matter. You cared about everyone.

You ran into a fire to drag Toomes out.

Again, that’s just who you are.

If you were in my position, you’d still be fighting. You wouldn’t let any of this twist you into something hateful.

So.

I’m going to _try_ to do that.

Will I fail?

Maybe.

But I’ll damn well try.

...

See, Parker?

Even in death, you’re making me a better man.


	6. Recording F

It’s beautiful out there. Breathtaking.

Space. The final frontier.

You would have yelled at me, right now, because of how loyal you are to your precious Star Wars. No Star Trek references for you, right?

You nerdy purist.

Also, don’t think I didn’t catch that one Trek reference you made during the Squidward invasion. “Mr. Stark, I’m being beamed up”?

If I ever see you again, I _will_ use that against you, trust me.

Besides, if you gave it a chance, you would have enjoyed it. I would have made a perfect Trekkie of you.

Maybe.

We’ll never know.

But this? The vast expanse of space, the sublime, or any other poetic bullshit? You _so_ would have loved it. This, I know.

And you know what else? Before any of the Avengers stuff happened, I loved the thought of space, too. I was all up the NASA scientists’ asses, just looking for breadcrumbs of what they were working on, even if it wasn’t my field.

I know, right? Tony Stark kissing other people’s asses. Is that even possible?

I do that more than you’d think. Hell, I was sucking up to T’Challa’s sister a few months ago. I wonder if they’re ...

Yikes.

Abort.

Can't think about that too much. 

But on the topic of geniuses and intelligent individuals, I've always made a point of deferring to their expertise. There's no room for ego in science, after all. And I've met many, many incredible individuals throughout the years.  

But then there’s _you_.

You _amaze_ me, you _astound_ me, and a bunch of other words that basically mean that you’re too good to be true.

I wish I would have told you this before, but one of the proudest and giddiest feelings in the world is knowing that I get to watch you become the great scientist you’re going to be.

... Would have been.

_Fuck_.

The great scientist you would have been.

Sorry.

It’s still a lot to swallow, sometimes. It's hard to remember. 

You have -- had -- this curiosity and sharpness that makes you born to be a scientist.

I used to have that, too, before a bunch of shit happened.

From day one, I had told myself that I would make sure all that stayed true, for you. I didn’t want you to lose any of that, ever. Any of what makes you, you.

It’s not any fucking consolation at all, but you died having that innocence intact. That something, right?

Right?

I don’t know, to be honest.

All I know is that if you were here, you’d be _so_ thrilled with being out in space. It really is beautiful.

It's not the worst place to die, I don't think. And that's beginning to look more and more imminent. Nothing is getting fixed. I'm running out of options, here. 

Out of all the possible places to bite the dust, space isn't the worst, at all. It's quiet out here. Peaceful. Pretty. 

But.

I wish you were here, kid.

I, just.

There’s so much I could say.

Should I say it?

Maybe.

By the looks of it, I'm running on limited time here. 

For now, though, I’ll give you a bit of a breather alright? Save the heavy baggage for later.

See you later, kiddo.


	7. Recording G

We’re a good team. 

Hear me out, okay? Because I think that a lot, actually. 

You and I? We’ve gotta some sort of dream team. 

That one time when the Fantastic Four needed help? And I was flying between the buildings and you were swinging right next to me? 

I was on top of the world. 

Don’t tell me I was the only one who noticed how in-sync we were.  

After all the shit that went down with the Avengers, I figured I would never get that feeling again. 

I’d felt at my most powerful with them, and for all that we fought, Steve and I were great partners in the field. 

After the whole smackdown in Germany, I figured it was the end of it.

I didn’t really tell you about what actually went down, did I? I thought about it, a lot. 

But I didn’t want to pile that on you. I didn’t want to potentially tarnish your image of Cap, for one thing. I also didn’t want to force you to pick sides … or worse, see you choose Cap over me. 

Mostly, though, I just didn’t want to pile my personal problems on you.

Look at me, being decent for once. Yay. 

My point is, after all that, I thought that was it. Rhodey and I work incredibly well, but I didn’t think there was someone who would have that kind of  _ chemistry  _ with me in the field. I’m difficult to work with, after all. 

And then you came along. 

In one sense, I was downright horrified.

My best partner in a fight was a  _ teenager _ .

That’s gotta be breaking some serious criminal statutes about child labor and fighting and some shit.

And ethically, that’s just as bad. You don’t drag teenagers into superhero brawls. You just don’t. 

I’d say that over the years, I’ve gotten better at making the right decisions, don’t you think? Not perfect by any means, but the percentage of times I’ve made the right one has steadily risen.

Dragging you into the whole Accords debacle probably wasn’t a right decision on my part.

Not that I’m saying you’re a bad decision. 

You’re not. 

Just … I made a morally heinous choice dragging you into my mess.

But it happened. We’re here. 

And you’re dead. 

But let’s not repeat that again, alright? 

My point is, we work well together. We have that natural chemistry. 

And now I feel like a creep, kinda, just saying that. 

But we do. 

You catch on quickly. We communicate well. You ask me what’s going on, and I say the most ridiculous things -- outer space, stealing a necklace from a wizard -- and you just manage to take it all in stride. 

When I tell you to get the wizard, you get the wizard.

When that giant uglier hulk was punting me, you managed to redirect that cab perfectly to stop him. 

What I’m saying is, you’re the perfect partner, Parker. 

That’s a compliment.

And if I think about it, you’re my perfect companion in the lab, too. 

We fit. 

Iron Man and Spider-Man

Peter Parker and Tony Stark. 

We fit. 

Knowing what I know now, I …

Well, let’s put it this way. There’s been a different morally heinous decision I’ve been sitting on. Like some perverted chicken. 

Up until now, I’ve done a good job at making the better choice. 

But if I knew we’d end up how we are now -- you dead, me dying, brutally defeated -- I would have given more thought to it. 

If you know what I’m getting at. 

But if I had known how little time we had, I would have at least considered it more seriously. 

‘It’ being… 

You know, I’ not sure if I’m ready to say it out loud, yet. I’m an emotional coward, and I’m not ready to tell the truth. Not yet, anyway. 

So, I’ll just say this: it’s been a true honor and privilege to work with you, Peter Parker. 


	8. Recording H

Do you remember that one time you asked me about sex and relationships? And I just kind of tossed you at Rhodey? 

I guess I owe you an apology for that, now. 

Or at least an explanation.

In my own defense, though, I was probably the worst person for the job. And Rhodey is a pro at giving difficult talks. 

And at that point, I already. Uh. 

Okay, I guess we're having it now, then. Let's air it out, alright? 

I mean, if you’re in any place where you can remotely hear me in the afterlife, then you’re omniscient in a sense, I would think?  So, you’d be able to just look at me and know what was going on?

Either it's that, or you’re just completely gone from me. There's nothing left linking us. In that case, I’m talking into the void.

So it's one or the other: one, you're completely gone to me; or two, you’re somehow present, and you can hear me in some way. 

If the second is true, then you’d already  _ know. _ I'd be unable to hide anything from you.

So, I'll just keep pretending you're listening. Tell me this, then -- even if you didn’t understand then, you understand now, right? 

You understand why I couldn't give you that talk?

I was emotionally compromised. I mean, I still am. 

I couldn’t be objective in that situation. And even if I could, that was a shitty feeling for me. I didn’t  _ want  _ to help you date  _ anyone _ because I’m selfish like that. 

I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t unconsciously sabotage things for you. I didn’t trust myself.

So, I made the executive decision, and it was the right decision. 

We covered that earlier, didn’t we? That I’m better at making the right decisions now? 

That was one of them, kid. It's one that I'm very proud of.  I made the right call for your talk.

You're my mentee, first and foremost. My responsibility. I wasn't going to let my feelings get in the way of anything. Y ou deserved better, period, which is why I kept everything under lock and key. 

And I think I succeeded? 

You never gave any indication that you had any suspicions about anything, a nd that was my goal, so yay me. Pat on the back. Mission accomplished. 

... But.

I just don't fucking know, anymore. 

Now that you’re dead? 

I might regret it. 

Just a little bit. 

It’s the _what if_ ’s that really get to you, kid. 


	9. Recording I

Let’s jump back to the space thing I mentioned before, okay? 

Okay. 

I can’t help but wonder what your favorite planet is. Is it Uranus? You have a terrible sense of humor sometimes. Or Pluto? I can totally see you rooting for an underdog -- that’s your thing.  

It’s gotta be one of those, right? I think I know -- knew -- you well enough to guess that. 

I’m also wondering -- and feel free to answer me if you want to; I might scream like a little girl for a long minute if I see your ghost, but I’ll be thrilled after the initial shock.

Anyways. 

I’m wondering: do you really do adore space like I’m theorizing, and if so,  _ why _ do you like space? Is there a story behind it? Did you watch that _Sailor Moon_ anime as a kid? You are _totally_ Sailor Mercury, by the way. Or did your parents take you stargazing once upon a time and it was so magical you've liked space ever since? Maybe it's just because of _Star Wars_?

I also wonder what your favorite song is, or what bands you follow. 

How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning? 

How many times do you have to hit snooze?

I know plenty because I like to listen to your rambling and I have a penchant for helicoptering you. 

But, there's so much more that's left to learn.  There’s so much more that I _want_ to know. 

There’s _too_ much that I’ll never get a chance to find out.

...

Did you know that I cared more than I let on? 

Or would you be surprised that I want to know anything about you at all? 

Because I do care -- I want to know Peter Parker in every way there is to know him. Sure, it wasn’t always the most appropriate thing. But I wanted. 

And you probably died not knowing how much I cared.

I don’t know if I’d prefer it this way, because I’m a sad old man and you definitely deserve someone who's not a mess. Maybe it’s better you don’t know how fucked I am for you. 

Who knows?

...

But what I do know for a fact is that I’ll never get another chance to learn all these weird tiny things about you. 

And that just about fucking breaks my heart. 


	10. Recording J

You know something else I just realized? 

I can count on my two hands the number of times I’ve called you by your actual name. 

_ Peter.  _

Why didn’t I? 

It’s always been this or that. Kid, young buck, underoos, spiderling, young padawan that one time. 

All this random _bullshit_ because I don’t do feelings and I don’t play around with emotions and I needed a certain distance to avoid ethically compromising myself. 

I know, right? Tony Stark worrying about ethics. Are you laughing right now? I can hear laughter, but it's just your voice in my head. 

It’s slowly driving me crazy. I can hear you all the time. 

But I’d much rather hear you than not.

Back to my original, point, though. Because I actually had a point, and it was a good one. Good points -- I don't often make those. 

My point is: I should have called you by your name more often.

Heh. Call you by your name, call me by mine, call each other by someone's name, call us by ... yada yada. 

And now that I think about it, I should have taken you to go see that movie instead of laughing and talking shit about a gay love story. I should have done many things with you, as a matter of fact. 

But this is the biggest one. 

I should have had the fucking decency to use your given name more often, rather than hiding behind all those ridiculous nicknames.   

Seriously, it would have been so easy. Just ...  _ Peter _ . 

Just like that. So simple. 

Just two syllables. 

_Peter_.

Why didn’t I? 

_Peter_. 

It’s so fucking easy, and I’m a genius who creates things out of new elements. 

_ Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter.  _

When I still had time left, why the fuck didn’t I use it more?

You know, Peter? With the long life I’ve led, and the various misdeeds and sins I’ve committed, I’ve collected regrets like stamps. 

Whole books of them. 

We’ve talked about some of them before. Do you remember, Peter?

This, though, is one of my biggest regrets.   

So. 

_ Peter _ . 

Wherever you are. I’m thinking of you, alright? And I’m missing you. 

I’m not going to hide behind a shitty cocktail of misdirections and defense mechanisms anymore, alright? 

No more fronting. 

No more nicknames. 

It’s just me. 

I promise. 


	11. Recording K

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been trying to hammer these out as soon as I can so that I can a) still have the maximum amount of trailer angst while revising; and b) can finish this so I can work on my other stuff. 
> 
> This is the penultimate chapter. This one is a bunch of tidbits collected together, which is a little different. Just a small warning. 
> 
> Oh, and also I'm pretty damn positive that there are many grammatical errors scattered throughout -- the first thing that goes when I rush is the grammar, so I apologize for all of it! At some point when I'm not shook beyond reasonable thought, I may re-revise <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

Hi, Peter.

Wish you were here.

Just thought I’d say that.

 

\---

 

Hi, Peter.

It’s been sporadic, I know. Sorry for neglecting you. It's a talent of mine.

I’ve been working on this ship. Tinkering around a bit. I might be onto something that will help fix the thrusters.

Cause otherwise, I'm just floating. Simple lack of inertia isn't going to glide me anywhere fast enough.

I'd bite the dust way before.

So, we'll see if that works. 

If it doesn't ... well, I'll cross that bridge if I get to it.

 

\---

 

Peter.

So that last thing I tried? To fix the ship?

It failed.

If this were any other normal situation, I'd be embarrassed and rip up my MIT degree. 

But it's fucking space, so. I'll give myself some leeway.

I’m not ... I’m probably not getting to civilization anytime soon, by the looks of it.

I can't help but wonder what we would have come up together. Our brains compliment each other. 

But that's just a daydream by this point. _Spacedream_ , heh. There's no day in space, after all.

Oh, and the stocks are low. Low food, low water. Low oxygen.  

I'll try a few other _hail mary_ 's, but we both know what the likely outcome is.

 

\---

 

Peter. 

I'm actually not sure if it just hasn't hit me yet, or if I've nearly died so many times that I can't process it anymore.

I'm not freaking out. At all. 

If I die in the next few days? Well, what can you do? 

You can only dodge death so many times. Maybe my life is just some extended version of  _Final Destination._

You would have appreciated that film reference.

  

\---

 

Peter.

Do you think that if I die, I’ll end up in the same place as you?

Do sinners end up in the same place as saints?

A man can hope, right?

I've never thought much about what happens after people die. 

But now, I'm curious.

 

\---

 

You know what, Peter?

The afterlife would be absolute shit without you there. Just unbearable.

Look at me, being a dramatic bitch.

It’s true, though.

 

\---

 

Peter.

Here's the thing. Maybe -- just maybe -- I never actually wanted to fix this ship.

Not to be egotistical, but I've achieved impossible things. Space is messed up, but I feel like I should have achieved  _something,_ right?

So, what gives?

You'd _so_ go off on me with that Care Bear voice of yours for saying this, but I'm just really fucking tired. 

And you're gone.

That's not fun.

Maybe I don't mind the thought of falling asleep out here and never waking up. It'd be peaceful.

Imagine that -- peace. For once in my life. 

Sorry to get all maudlin on you, but that's where I'm at. 

So, I'll try this one last thing -- it's a far reach with a minimal chance of success. If that doesn't work, then that's it. 

I'll touch base later, Peter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the very latest, the final chapter will be up tomorrow <3 Thanks for reading!


	12. Recording L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is very late, I know XD Life gave me a good beating this week. It's a good thing I'm not in college anymore. 
> 
> Also, I tried to write something remotely decent compared to Tony's words in the trailer (*sobs* so beautiful). And then I realized that it's never gonna happen. This is the closest I'll ever get. 
> 
> This is a quiet, calm, short ending because as we all saw and cried at in the trailer, Tony Stark faces death with tranquility. 
> 
> Whoop. Boom. Finished. Happy Friday!

So. 

I know we established that if you can hear me at all, you’re probably omniscient, right? 

So, I really don’t have to confess to anything.

You’d already know.

But, I’m gonna say it, anyways. 

I like hearing myself talk. You know that. I know that. Everyone knows that. So if I’m gonna die, let’s have it. 

I am going to … Disrupt the atomic makeup of the universe with my short clips of sounds. I’m going to … make my words fly through space until the end of time. 

The butterfly effect of a dying man’s final love song. 

_ That _ was poetic  _ as fuck _ \-- cheers to me. That should be the title of a book. 

Maybe one day, someone will find this ship and these words will be written for people to read. 

That’s the dream, right? 

So here goes: 

I love you, Peter Parker. 

I, Tony Stark, am in love with you. Have been for a long time. 

Notice how I use the present tense? ‘ _Love_ ’? Not ‘ _loved_ ’? Of course you do; you’re a genius.

I use present tense because you can die every single one of Strange’s fourteen-million times, but this? Never will.

You’re it, Peter. 

I never told you that. And now, I can’t. 

For obvious reasons.  

I’ll forever regret that I never said it earlier. 

If I get a chance, though, you can bet I’ll prove to you how I learned from my mistake. 

That’s the theme of my life, after all. 

… 

I know you would have said it back. You wear your thoughts and emotions on your face -- that’s one of my favorite things about you. It’s adorable -- absolutely fucking adorable. 

So yeah, I know that you loved me, too. 

And once upon a time, I wanted to  _ try _ and be the better man. 

Not anymore. 

…

I’ll be honest, Peter. 

It’s nearing the end here. 

Food and water have been gone for days. Oxygen is low. It’ll probably be out by morning, latest. 

When things end out here? When I finally drift away? I will dream of  _ you _ . 

And then, I’ll be where you are. 

I hope so. I have  _ interesting _ things to tell you.

So. 

I’ll be seeing you soon, Peter.  

Tony out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point I will come back and revise this so that it's more in line with Tony's voice, and a little more polished. At some point. 
> 
> \---
> 
> I am [SbiderSlut](http://sbiderslut.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. Come by and say hi! 💖💕


End file.
